Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I'm sitting in bed beside my sleeping daughter knowing I should probably get myself to sleep too.  This past week has been filled with many tired yawns (sidebar - can yawns be anything other than tired yawns?)   I blame these yawns on PGF.  Post Games Fatigue.
But my mind is still spinning as it did all Games week when I layed in bed awake.  It's so much to process -  nerves, excitement, adrenaline, fear, strategy, self talk..... the list goes on and on for the many reasons why I couldn't fall asleep then and why I sit awake now. 

2012 Games was AMAZING!  (Sing that in a high falsetto).  Words kinda fail to express all that it was.  Its a roller coaster of highs and lows.  Energy and fatigue.  Smiles and tears.  Carefree laughter and fear induced arm grabs.  Sometimes I shake my head and wonder why I don't take up knitting or kite flying.  Tai bo in the park perhaps.  But I know why.  To experience the Games is a once in a lifetime thing.  I've been lucky enough to go twice now.  And really, I know what makes it so darn desirable for me to want to go back.  It's the people that make it SO great!  All the people.  The volunteers, the handlers, the organizers, the spectators and of course, the other athletes.  Such great people!  So many laughs and shared moments together.  To get to the Games is a battle itself.  Once at the Games, it feels more like a battle of us vs the wods.  Surviving the Games.  Especially that first wod thrown at us.  11km in a mountain?  Survival!!!

I placed 16th this year and I have mixed feelings about it.  Super proud but always wanting more!  Last year I surprised myself with a 10th place finish.  I knew this year was going to be a serious battle for top 40!  Everyone going was amazing.  Well rounded.  Strong as all heck-a-doo.  Fast!  (And really good broad jumpers as it turns out!)  16th.  Not quite as catchy as "Top Ten".  But I knew that with this amazing crew of women, I could land anywhere.  I tried to "warn" friends and supporters back home that coming tenth or better this year was a long shot.

A friend of ours asked my husband at a party, "What happened to Angie this year?"  He doesn't follow Crossfit very closely and so for me to come 10th last year and then 16th this year - clearly something went wrong.  I think about that line a lot.  What happened to Angie?  What happened to me? What happened?  How can I summarize what happened without an hour discussion dissecting wod by wod and most likely losing interest after a few minutes?  Nothing happened and everything happened.
I went to the Games wanting to do my best.  And my best is what I did.  That's all we can ever really ask of ourselves in any situation, isn't it?  Do your best and see where the cards play out.

Once again, I learned about myself as a Crossfitter.  I see where my weaknesses are and where strengths are.  I can work with my Coach and set up a plan of attack for the year ahead trying as always to get stronger, faster, more skilled, better at the unknown.  However, the biggest obstacle I need to work on is my mind set.  There is this sense that I don't belong there with all these elite athletes.  I felt it last year which I attributed to being a rookie.  But if anything, that feeling was even stronger this year.  I see what these women are capable of and it blows my mind.  I feel like I somehow keep getting lucky despite fairly consistent finishes in the Open, Regionals and now Games two years in a row.

My goal for this year was to do the best I could do and from a physical stand point, I know I gave it 100%.  Mentally though, I feel like I let myself down a bit doubting that I belonged.
So here comes the tricky part in training for this year.  It's "easy" to program for strength and endurance and work on my Carl Paoli style burpees to get some skill into my life (really trying, Carl!!)   But training the mental side is where my challenge is.  Feeling like I do belong and letting go of that doubt.  So I'm going to work my butt off on this because there is one thing I do not doubt.... and that is that I want the chance to giggle with Jenny LaBaw about that one time on a mountain I cheered her on passing me.  I want the chance to talk about juggling Crossfit and mamahood again with Elizabeth on a bus.  I want to laugh with Kelly every chance we get.  I want to give hugs to Heather for swimming the most terrifying swim in her life.  Ooooeeee, just typing out a few of the bazillion memories from the Games gives me goosebumps.  Perhaps this is where my mental training begins.... I want......

1 comment:

  1. You are a great athlete! I can't hardly imagine how exciting you are before your competition! You are a happy woman with a lovely daught!runescape accounts for sale